Brenda Originally published on Medium on January 29, 2024
The mark of a mature, open-minded, thinking adult is the understanding that perception is not necessarily reality. You can step back from a situation and understand that your perspective is based on bias, your unique experiences, and whatever time you’ve put into thinking about the problem. We all have different perspectives. They aren’t all wrong or all right. They just are.
Why can’t we understand this? Because humans, especially in this age, are hard-wired to argue, debate, and prove their point. We could see this simple fact if we could all step back from our argument. We can learn from each other if we stop demanding that we be right! Stomping our feet and declaring that a person “must be hard to live with” instead of coming back with a simple, “Hey, that’s a good point. I like how you said that Have you thought about it this way?”
I insisted on my children learning to debate when I was homeschooling them. I would either show them a program or give them a topic. Then, I would divide the four into two on each side and get them to discuss the issue. I’ll never forget the first time I told them, “Now, switch sides.” They were shocked. Now, they had to argue against the very point they were arguing for. Can you imagine what that would do to some people’s brains? I think it’s an incredibly vital skill, and most of us don’t have it.
Before you tell someone they are wrong and vilify them or their whole family or generation, walk a mile in their shoes. Ask yourself why they might have the opinion they have other than, “They’re an ***** (enter whatever irrational, judgmental phrase here).” People don’t all have the views they have because they are stupid or irrational. You and the people you agree with aren’t the only rational people on the planet. And just because a person might agree with one point doesn’t color their whole personality.
We love to put people, cultures, political parties, you name it, in a box, tie it up with our chosen color of ribbon, and file it neatly under, “I’ve got your number, sir.” But is this a mature or even fair way to relate to others? It’s easy, I’ll grant you that. It takes guts and an open mind to step back and be fair to someone without judgment.
I’m not saying I’ve got all this nailed, but I’ve thought about it—a lot. And I try my best to treat other’s opinions the way I want mine to be treated. It’s one thing I can do to be a better human. I have had my struggles. I love to read, and I think of myself as intellectual. I used to hold up intellectual people as my mentors. I don’t do that so much anymore. It’s unfortunate, but it does seem that the more you learn and the more you value yourself, the more you can tend to look down on others who haven’t put in the same effort at education.
Doesn’t that mean that we somehow end up in the same place no matter which way we go? We end up blaming others for not being us or thinking like us. All I can say is that it’s sad.
Do we genuinely want to better this planet? I hear so many people saying this, but I do not see much of it put into action. I’m not talking about recycling and solar energy here. I’m talking about something much closer. Your neighbor. The person you speak to on social media. Kindness, compassion, and a little less judgment would go further than any solar energy plan. Why? Because if we can’t even band together in a discussion, how will we band together to save this planet?
